Healthy avoidance behaviors, Part II

Taken from pinimg.com

Part II, reflecting on what it means to avoid the “near occasions of sin” — and here we continue with Fr. Tom Hopko’s advice in the matter:

But the key thing here is, number one: know that these things are there. Number two: know that they’re going to be there. Number three: know that your warfare is not to accept them, and know that the whole battle is in not taking the first step. The battle is in not engaging the trial and temptation when it comes. And then the next thing would be to know: you cannot withstand it by will-power. You’ve got to flee to the good. You’ve got to flee to God. And you’ve got to know that you’re going to lose some battles, if you’re going to conquer in Christ and win the war. There will be battles that are lost. So you’ve got to know not to despair. You’ve got to know to keep up the struggle.

St. Silouan said you know the Holy Spirit is in you if you’re a brave fighter. If you hate your sin and struggle against it. And when you do that, it’s a long battle and you’re not going to be victorious in two days.

I heard once a bishop tell some young people that if they had firm resolve, they could come to dispassion and quiet and peace in one month. I frankly don’t believe that. I think the bishop was wrong. Sometimes it’s a lifetime. But you should never say or put a timetable on it. Even [in] the 12-step program, you learn that you can’t do that. You’ve got to say, “Just for this minute. Just for this day. Just for this time.” Just with this breath, I’m not going to engage that memory. I’m not going to engage that feeling. I’m not going to engage that thought. I’m not going to surrender to it. I’m not going to act out on it.

But I can’t do it by myself, so I’m going to flee to the grace of God. I’m going to read the Scripture. I’m going to read the saints. I’m going to read an Akathistos. I’m going to say a prayer. I’m going to walk around. I’m going to get occupied in work. I’m going to care for some sick person. I’m going to do those things that keep the thoughts, the feelings, and the memories from crushing me. And then I’m going to beg God, “Please don’t let me choose them. Please don’t let me actually will to engage them, affirm them, and to go where they are thriving and where they are destroying people.”

And of course, that means we’ve got to cut off relations with certain people. We just can’t be—and St. Paul said this: “If you go into bad company, you’re going to end up with bad morality and bad behavior, and you’re going to be crushed.” And it’s no sin simply to say, “I’m sorry, Joe. I’m sorry, Lucy. I just can’t hang out with you, because if I do, I’m going to be poisoned by your own darkness and your own sin.”

So it’s violent. And the Lord Jesus said, “The kingdom of God suffers violence, and the violent person takes it by force.” He said, “If your hand offends you, cut it off. Better to enter the kingdom with one hand than to perish with two. If your eyes offend you, pluck them out.” Now, of course, this was not meant to be literally taken. You don’t take a knife, and—people who are very troubled, they sometimes cut themselves and so on. This is not—this is of the devil. But spiritually, with the sword of the Lord, to cut off all that is evil, all this gangrenous, all this poison, to take the medicine, the pharmakon that is the antidote to the evil poison in our system. We have to do that.

But we have to do that firmly, gently, not hysterically, not with panic. We do it one step at a time. We do it by [being] faithful in the little things. And the most important point for today’s meditation: There’s only one way we can do it, and that is by cutting it off when it first comes. And that’s how the Fathers, like Nilus of Sinai and Evagrios and others, interpreted that line in the psalm, “On the Waters of Babylon”: “Blessed are they who smash your little ones on the rocks. Alleluia.” Because they say if we don’t smash the passions and temptations and thoughts and memories when they’re still little, when they first come, then they will grow up and they will kill us.

You might even say, following the Fathers, like Porphyrios, don’t even try to smash them. Just run away from them. Flee to God. Don’t engage them at all. And that’s really what it’s all about. It’s all about not letting the poison in. It’s all about not engaging the vision, the image, the fantasy, the memory, the imagination, the thought. The cause of it all are logismoi: thoughts, feelings, fantasies, imaginations, provocations. But we can only be victorious when, by the grace of God and by faith in God and by the Holy Spirit, we do not engage them at all. The minute we engage them at all, we’re lost. Sooner or later, we can fight, we can battle, we can struggle, but they’ve got us. So the key is: know that they’re there. Let them babble and buzz all they want, but don’t engage them. Don’t engage them.

Unite the mind and the heart and call upon the Lord and flee to him. And beg for grace. It’s not going to be magic. It’s not always going to work, but this is the only way it does work when it does work. And as they say in the 12-step program when they—you know, sex addiction and food addiction and drug addiction and alcohol addiction—“It works if you work it, so work it. You’re worth it.” But what is the working? The working is to know that there is a power greater than ourselves. There is God Almighty; there is grace.

We can’t do it, but what is impossible with human beings is possible with God. And it’s impossible even not to engage and to join and to assent to all those evil thoughts, memories, and feelings that assail us day and night. With God, all things are possible. And so, it is possible not to live without these thoughts, memories, and feelings, but it is possible not to allow them, by God’s grace, to destroy and to crush us and, ultimately, even to kill us. There is a victory. It belongs to Christ. It’s given to us. We have to plug into it. And we do that by faith and grace in God, and by an unseen warfare, to take every thought captive for the sake of Christ and by Christ.

And not to engage any thought, memory, or feeling that is destructive. In fact, some of the Fathers say that we shouldn’t even engage the good ones, because we can be deceived. It’s better simply to be calling upon the name of the Lord and seeking the light without actually getting into many of these things.

Let me just end by reading something from St. Peter of Damascus in The Philokalia, a treasury of spiritual knowledge. He says:

We should not be distracted by anything: neither by dreams, whether evil or seemingly good, nor by thoughts of anything, whether good or bad, nor by distress or deceitful joy, not by self-conceit or despair, nor by depression or elation, nor by a sense of abandonment or by illusory health and strength. Nor by negligence or progress, nor by laziness or by seeming zeal, nor by apparent dispassion or by passionate attachment. Rather, with humility, we should strive to maintain a state of stillness, quiet, calm, free from all distraction, knowing that no one can do us harm unless we ourselves harm ourselves.

St. John Chrysostom has a homily: “No one can harm him who does not harm himself.” And then he [St. Peter of Damascus] goes on to say:

“Because of our conceit and our failure constantly to have recourse to God, we should cast ourselves down before him, asking that his will should be done in all things, and saying to every thought that comes to us: “I do not know what you are. I do not know who you are. God knows if you are good or bad, but I have thrown myself, and I shall continue to throw myself into God’s hands, and he will take care of me. He will take care of me.'”

And if we do not have anyone to advise us—St. Peter continues—we should take Christ as our counselor, asking him with humility and through pure, heartfelt prayer, about every thought, every memory, every feeling, every undertaking.

“And if our sole purpose is to do God’s will, God himself will teach us what it is, assuring us of it either directly, through the mind or by means of some person or in the holy Scripture, and if, for God’s sake, we cut off our own will, God will enable us to reach, with inexpressible joy, a perfection we have not known. And when we experience this, we will be filled with wonder at seeing how joy and spiritual knowledge begin to pour forth from everywhere. We will derive profit from everything—even our thoughts and feelings and memories—and God will reign in us, since we have no will of our own, but have submitted ourselves to the holy will of God, we become like kings, so that whatever we desire, we receive effortlessly and speedily, from God by his grace, who has us in his care.”

Taken from royaldoors.net

6 comments on “Healthy avoidance behaviors, Part II

  1. Excellent Tom! Thanks for that.

  2. queenie says:

    Really enjoying your thoughts upon your return to writing here. . . .

  3. Roch Gernon says:

    thank you so much for this one. needed that much:)

    Roch Gernon

    >

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